Tag Archives: lesbians

>So, you CAN get a date on a Lesbian Vacation

7 Sep

>Yes, that’s right chica’s, I’m pulling on up to the winners circle as I just secured my final diz-aaaate (more deets to come on that) but first, a quick recap of the last few days…

San-fran-tastic…

** Saw a hottie mc hot hot at a Stanford tailgate and immediately imagined us having adorable mixed babies and fighting over if our kids would go to Stanford or Duke (sigh, gotta love elitist fantasies)

** CW’s (female) boss told me I looked pretty (yes, that’s all it takes for me to feel accomplished for a weekend)

** San Francisco food = eating my body weight in carbs

San-fran-fail…

** San Francisco food = eating my body weight in carbs

** CW losing her fave sunglasses .5 hours into the trip and almost breaking her finger on the plane (reserving lesbian joke possibilities for the sake of, well, anyone reading this)

** Burning myself on my curling iron, well moreso branding myself as my right arm now says CON (of Con-air, the brand, not Nick Cage). This happened shortly after I, literally, punched myself in the face while trying to pull up the sheets in a much needed nap.

** I got my favorite ring confiscated at the airport. That’s right. Confiscated. The bia at security told me I was rocking brass knuckles and despite my efforts to explain that I bought this (one of a kind) ring at the checkout line at Urban for $12, she still considered me armed and dangerous.


That ring was such a good conversation starter. Especially after my sprained wrist healed and no longer had an excuse to rock a wrist brace.

I would say I can just rest on my charm, but clearly, I will need to find another prop before tomorrow’s date…

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>So, are you lesbians, or fag-hags?

3 Sep

>Wait, so after two months of failed dating in NYC, these are my only two options now?

Let me back up by saying that I am essentially on a couple’s retreat with my roommate CW. We always joke that we are “life-partners” or each other’s significant others (even though she now has a real BF so we sometimes have to re-evaluate) but never before had we encountered actually being considered a couple.

Several interesting/hilarious facts that contribue to this:

1. We decided to take a labor day vacation to San Francisco

2. She was going due to a work trip and I decided to tag along for the free hotel room/free cabs

3. We have a day activity planned with her parents

4. We are having brunch with her boss and her boss’s family

5. She told me I was welcome to come to any of the work convention events, but that it might be kind of weird

6. I responded “of course, that’s totally unprofessional”

7. She responded, “no, its not that, it’s just the nature of the conference…”

Yes, my female roommate and I are at national convention for lesbian and gay journalists.

Before I left NYC, I was reading the blog at work and one of my old bosses came by. When he asked “what are you doing?” I quickly clicked any other window besides the blog to avoid being outted.

Of course, the document behind it was the word doc CW sent me outlining our trip entitled “KG and CW’s Lesbian Vacation” due to the ridiculously hilarious circumstances.

After a moment of silence he said, “so, are you a lesbian?” Despite me trying to laugh it off, say “NOOO” and explain the whole story, it seems like I was worried about being “outted” in all the wrong ways. Apparently “herway” being on my screen has a whole new meaning.

Although we are having an amazing time, this is not helping my chances with the challenge. Last night we not only got asked “so…are you lessies or fag-hags” but we got approving looks from many other gay couples (I mean, we looked hot) and went to an after party involving copious amounts of champagne and cheesy pop.

At lunch today:

Me: That waitress totes thinks we’re together

CW: That’s because we just ordered a bottle of wine for lunch and the only aphrodisiac on the menu.

I mean, I kinda wanted to throw this on the DTC (does this count?) board ,but I felt that I couldn’t justify a lessie vacay as a real date. I mean, we do have separate beds afterall.

So when I get back to NYC I will have only a week to find and land a final date with a guy who’s eyebrows aren’t more sculpted than mine…

If you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. For now, napping off today’s gluttony.

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