Tag Archives: KG

After these messages…

19 Sep

…we’ll be right back.

Thats right people. We are taking a few weeks off from the world of dating for sport. Why?

1. So we can do “real-work” for 2 weeks so our bosses don’t get suspicious.
2. Come up with challenge numba TWO
3. Brainstorm new ways to stalk men of NYC.

So if any of you have any ideas for 2 and 3 or how we can make 1 irrelevant, we are all ears.

Until then, we are going to be reminding ourselves that we dont need pride anyway so we can gear up for another round.

>Public Apology

17 Sep

>Dear J,

We, are assholes.

We totally missed your email. Probably because you are the first and only person to ever email us. (Thanks for taking the pressure off of our empty inbox).


Love your story. Also, we are glad to know that we’ve contributed to you being slightly less productive at work.

As we gear up for challeng numero DOS, I think we are gonna need some of your stories, insights and wisdom now more than ever.

We will chat with you soon to figure out eggsactly how you can drop some knowledge on us all.

xo
sixteen dates

(And yes, this is the blog’s second reference to You’ve Got Mail. This should make Meg Ryan and Mr. Monday #1 pleased)

>10 hours and couting…

16 Sep

>to get any last minute dates, repeats or DTD counts before our official Sixteen Dates challenge is O-V-A.

All im saying, is momma likes a good cocktail, or 4. Please note I like my martinis extra dir-tay (I am from the dirty south) with 3 olives. Thanks.

KP – good luck on sliding into home. In more ways than one.

>OCI Friday Leaderboard: Sept 10

14 Sep

>Yes this one is a little behind but since we have TWO more days to bring in the rear, it seems fair and urgent to make up for last weeks leaderboard/REMINDERS:

Dates

KT: 5
KG: 4
KP: 3
CFH: 3*
MB: 2

* waiting for an official post about this third date before it goes in the books forever.

Repeats:

KT: 2
KG: 0
KP: 5
CFH: 2
MB: 0

Ok bottom three, you got 48 hours to HURRY THE JUNK UP.

>It FINALLY happened

14 Sep

>Yes. I got hit on in a coffee shop. With no prompting, or me even looking in his general direction.

Ok so this actually happened like two weeks ago but after the very justified angry email of the morning, i felt it was time to share.

Him: Stay in here as long as possible…because it’s really humid out there.

Me: Polite smile, Oh (fake laugh) yeah…I know right?

Him: Unless your from the south. In which case you’re used to it.

Me: Oh…I am.

Him: Oh yeah? What part.

Me: (EFF. How did I actually let this become a conversation) NC.

Him: (pleasantly surprised) Oh yeah, where?

Me: As I name my city, I’m waiting for him to have gone to the same high school as me or something (although at least a decade earlier)

Him: Oh ok I’m from Colubmus. South Carolina.

Wait so I’m confused. Why is that even a possible pretend coincidence. It’s not even the same state. And you are from the South, so why are you talking about humidity.

Rating:

Despite the failed and quite literal “talk about the weather” convo, I have to give him high marks for even trying. I know that takes guts (even when we are like, wait, why are you talking to me, and not in the cute surprised schoolgirl way).

Effort: 8
Date possibility: 0

Also a cute guy just walked in. The I realized he had on a sleeveless tissue tee. And it’s racer back. And he has a Luke Perry below the bottom lip thing. But no Alicia Silverstone, he’s not Luke Perry.

Effort: 0
Date possibility: 8. Then 0.

>WTFreak?

14 Sep

>I get to work this am, and this is the first message in my inbox from my dear friend T:

Subject: WTFreak

Why has no one posted in like 5 billions years? I mean, thank goodness I just finished night shift for awhile bc the blog def helped get me through and the lack of posting def would have affected me, my patients, and probably the entire city of baltimore.. But still.. GET ON IT

>OMFG. best. email. ever.

10 Sep

>So i got this email today from my friend who works in analytics. And I started laughing out loud.

A) because its awesome
B) because its proof someone wastes as much time as me with this blog

Subject: Just for fun

So I’m trying to create some word clouds for a client project so I’m learning to use a new tool. In order test my skills I needed to make a couple examples. And instead of being really bored doing this, I decided to be entertained and create a word cloud based off the conversations on SD. I might say, this turned out rather interesting. See attached.

Here are the top 5 things I learned about your blog while doing this and in typical analytical fashion a few recommendations for life optimization:

KG:
You are the center of conversations. Your initials clearly represent a large portion of the conversations either because you post a lot and/or you’re referenced a lot. Thank you for being an entertaining friend.

** Recommendation: None, keep being you.

Speed (dating):
This also covered a large portion of conversations. While there were only a few actual experiences, they resulted in a large number of references and comments.

** Recommendation: While the results of said speed dating may not be rewarding, this attributes to a good amount of writing material.

Thought/Think:
This can 100% validate what was said during this week’s Wednesday Wakeup Call; ladies, we think way too much.

** Recommendation: Stop thinking (is that even possible, I mean we are girls after all)

Drink:
Dead center of the word cloud and rather large. No explanation needed.

** Recommendation: Nothing much we can do about this one, I think this is a large portion of our lives, our friendships, and of course the success of any date.

Victory:
This is way too small and conversely, Failed is nearly double the size. You ladies should have way more victories than this shows!

** Recommendation: Give yourselves some credit, you all have had some big victories! Also, let’s work on the guy selection for the next challenge so you don’t have to use the word fail so often.

>G-chat recap: Blind Date

9 Sep

>CW: How was it? Or am I allowed to ask how it was anymore? Or do I have to read the blog.

KG: I love that KT posted my recap before I did. That’s why this blog makes me happy.

It was good.
It went from “Hmm, I dont think he’s interested..”
‪To “oh wait, maybe he is…crap, but now I’m not interested‬…”
‪To “Oh you like music that I like…”
To “Oh heeeeeey drink number three…”

But I don’t think I feel any chemistry. But I had a good time.

CW: Soooo…he likes you and you don’t like him back?

KG: Sigh. No. Well maybe? Wait no.

Overall, the date was pretty good. No, I’d say fun. Partly because of the company, partly because victory tastes so sweet (final four baby!!), and partly (read: mostly) because of the booze.

Also I think a highlight was how creeped out he was at how incestual our friend group is.


He thought M introduced us and that our connections were limited to picture A.

But when he said something about M’s boyfriend P and then I commented, he was like, “wait you know P?”

And then I started to unravel exhibit B….

This feels like a chart from the L word…

>Date FOURplay

8 Sep

>Ok so in some pre-date logistical emails for date numba four, several things have been established:

Delay of game
He apologized for taking a long time to get back to me as to where we should meet (that was thoughtful)

Proof of employment
In said apology, he said he got a new computer at work aka he has a job

I have weird humor
As my first instinct was to reply sending this image as a desktop background and saying “the attached pic will change your life.”

Touche
His response to my email was, “Quality, but have you seen this link

Oh shit
We are going to the SAME restaurant as epic bartender fail. I always suggest it bc I love it so much. And then remember why I haven’t been in a while.

At least this time, I’m not dressed like a softball coach…

>H to the izzo, F to the izzor

8 Sep

>That’s right homies. I’m ‘bout-sta Pop Lock and Drop this biz (aka my fake swagger/dating challenge) across the fin-ash line.

Reasons why friends are the BOMB.COM: you tell them you are in a bind and they stand and deliver.

However, sometimes, over deliver?

Me: OMG, I only have a week to get date #4, and I have no idea how I’ll do it.

Enter awesome friend(s) from SF, M and M….

M sends this email to a guy that is currently in NYC for an abbreev amt of time:

Well here’s the story – my amazing superstar friend from Duke, KG has been challenged to going on 7 blind dates in 7 weeks by her empathetic non-single friends who are mostly angling for some voyeuristic drama in their lives. Not one to turn down a challenge of any sort, KG is approaching week seven of this epic date-a-thon. Given that you are both fun happy cool creative ppl and that you will be in NYC for a few more days, I thought I would set you up for KG’s 7th blind date 🙂

Right.

Amazing. Wait. What? What challenge? Why seven dates? What’s so special about 7?? I’m down with G-O-D but did he create this dating challenge? Or is this a Brad Pitt movie? I don’t know how to approach any questions, comments or concerns.

So I am UUBER grateful – as I would never have secured date Numba Fo otherwise (…but forreal I wouldn’t). That said, I also realized that other ppl being creative is dangerous for several reasons:

1. Holy ish. He may/is gonna ask how dates 1-6 went

2. Holy ish. He may/is gonna ask why I have a 7 date/week challenge

3. Wait, why DO I have a 7 date/week challenge?

4. Wait if I did, would I have 7 empathetic friends?

5. Apparently not since it took me 2 moths to get 4 dates

6. Eff my friends

7. OMG friends don’t leave me, I need you for more dates

8. At least wine (both red and white) is always my friend. That and re-runs of How I met your Mother

9. Sigh.

So “blind date with creative guy” is tmrw and I have to say, I’m excited. There’s something kinda nice about knowing nothing about it.

Expecting the worst, but hoping for something interesting to blog about. So if anyone else has some friends to send our way, bring em on.

Until then, lets see how lucky numero cuatro goes.

Oh, and after all that talk, kinda thinking somehting like this SHOULD be our next challenge. Good thinking M…

>So, you CAN get a date on a Lesbian Vacation

7 Sep

>Yes, that’s right chica’s, I’m pulling on up to the winners circle as I just secured my final diz-aaaate (more deets to come on that) but first, a quick recap of the last few days…

San-fran-tastic…

** Saw a hottie mc hot hot at a Stanford tailgate and immediately imagined us having adorable mixed babies and fighting over if our kids would go to Stanford or Duke (sigh, gotta love elitist fantasies)

** CW’s (female) boss told me I looked pretty (yes, that’s all it takes for me to feel accomplished for a weekend)

** San Francisco food = eating my body weight in carbs

San-fran-fail…

** San Francisco food = eating my body weight in carbs

** CW losing her fave sunglasses .5 hours into the trip and almost breaking her finger on the plane (reserving lesbian joke possibilities for the sake of, well, anyone reading this)

** Burning myself on my curling iron, well moreso branding myself as my right arm now says CON (of Con-air, the brand, not Nick Cage). This happened shortly after I, literally, punched myself in the face while trying to pull up the sheets in a much needed nap.

** I got my favorite ring confiscated at the airport. That’s right. Confiscated. The bia at security told me I was rocking brass knuckles and despite my efforts to explain that I bought this (one of a kind) ring at the checkout line at Urban for $12, she still considered me armed and dangerous.


That ring was such a good conversation starter. Especially after my sprained wrist healed and no longer had an excuse to rock a wrist brace.

I would say I can just rest on my charm, but clearly, I will need to find another prop before tomorrow’s date…

>Too close for comfort

4 Sep

>It’s all fun and games until:

1) You are looking through prospects on one of the online dating sites and you see TWO people you know.

2) You realize that this could have happened to THEM or other men you know also.

3) You realize this could have happened with men you WORK with. Or I guess even girls (this thought becomes more relavant when people you work with could think you are a lesbian). Oh. Junk.

4) You are chatting with someone about the blog and one of the guys you went on a date with randomly comes up. Like physically comes up. “Whatcha guys talking about?”

5) People start using the blog as blackmail.

6) This blog comes up in business negotiations.

>So, are you lesbians, or fag-hags?

3 Sep

>Wait, so after two months of failed dating in NYC, these are my only two options now?

Let me back up by saying that I am essentially on a couple’s retreat with my roommate CW. We always joke that we are “life-partners” or each other’s significant others (even though she now has a real BF so we sometimes have to re-evaluate) but never before had we encountered actually being considered a couple.

Several interesting/hilarious facts that contribue to this:

1. We decided to take a labor day vacation to San Francisco

2. She was going due to a work trip and I decided to tag along for the free hotel room/free cabs

3. We have a day activity planned with her parents

4. We are having brunch with her boss and her boss’s family

5. She told me I was welcome to come to any of the work convention events, but that it might be kind of weird

6. I responded “of course, that’s totally unprofessional”

7. She responded, “no, its not that, it’s just the nature of the conference…”

Yes, my female roommate and I are at national convention for lesbian and gay journalists.

Before I left NYC, I was reading the blog at work and one of my old bosses came by. When he asked “what are you doing?” I quickly clicked any other window besides the blog to avoid being outted.

Of course, the document behind it was the word doc CW sent me outlining our trip entitled “KG and CW’s Lesbian Vacation” due to the ridiculously hilarious circumstances.

After a moment of silence he said, “so, are you a lesbian?” Despite me trying to laugh it off, say “NOOO” and explain the whole story, it seems like I was worried about being “outted” in all the wrong ways. Apparently “herway” being on my screen has a whole new meaning.

Although we are having an amazing time, this is not helping my chances with the challenge. Last night we not only got asked “so…are you lessies or fag-hags” but we got approving looks from many other gay couples (I mean, we looked hot) and went to an after party involving copious amounts of champagne and cheesy pop.

At lunch today:

Me: That waitress totes thinks we’re together

CW: That’s because we just ordered a bottle of wine for lunch and the only aphrodisiac on the menu.

I mean, I kinda wanted to throw this on the DTC (does this count?) board ,but I felt that I couldn’t justify a lessie vacay as a real date. I mean, we do have separate beds afterall.

So when I get back to NYC I will have only a week to find and land a final date with a guy who’s eyebrows aren’t more sculpted than mine…

If you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. For now, napping off today’s gluttony.

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