Tag Archives: family vacation

>So, are you lesbians, or fag-hags?

3 Sep

>Wait, so after two months of failed dating in NYC, these are my only two options now?

Let me back up by saying that I am essentially on a couple’s retreat with my roommate CW. We always joke that we are “life-partners” or each other’s significant others (even though she now has a real BF so we sometimes have to re-evaluate) but never before had we encountered actually being considered a couple.

Several interesting/hilarious facts that contribue to this:

1. We decided to take a labor day vacation to San Francisco

2. She was going due to a work trip and I decided to tag along for the free hotel room/free cabs

3. We have a day activity planned with her parents

4. We are having brunch with her boss and her boss’s family

5. She told me I was welcome to come to any of the work convention events, but that it might be kind of weird

6. I responded “of course, that’s totally unprofessional”

7. She responded, “no, its not that, it’s just the nature of the conference…”

Yes, my female roommate and I are at national convention for lesbian and gay journalists.

Before I left NYC, I was reading the blog at work and one of my old bosses came by. When he asked “what are you doing?” I quickly clicked any other window besides the blog to avoid being outted.

Of course, the document behind it was the word doc CW sent me outlining our trip entitled “KG and CW’s Lesbian Vacation” due to the ridiculously hilarious circumstances.

After a moment of silence he said, “so, are you a lesbian?” Despite me trying to laugh it off, say “NOOO” and explain the whole story, it seems like I was worried about being “outted” in all the wrong ways. Apparently “herway” being on my screen has a whole new meaning.

Although we are having an amazing time, this is not helping my chances with the challenge. Last night we not only got asked “so…are you lessies or fag-hags” but we got approving looks from many other gay couples (I mean, we looked hot) and went to an after party involving copious amounts of champagne and cheesy pop.

At lunch today:

Me: That waitress totes thinks we’re together

CW: That’s because we just ordered a bottle of wine for lunch and the only aphrodisiac on the menu.

I mean, I kinda wanted to throw this on the DTC (does this count?) board ,but I felt that I couldn’t justify a lessie vacay as a real date. I mean, we do have separate beds afterall.

So when I get back to NYC I will have only a week to find and land a final date with a guy who’s eyebrows aren’t more sculpted than mine…

If you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. For now, napping off today’s gluttony.

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>La France

19 Aug

>It’s harder to get a date in France than you might think.

Going on vacation with my family certainly has its benefits, but socializing with handsome men between the ages of 24 and 40 is not one of them. (Yes, I realize that’s a large age gap.)

Case in point: earlier this week night, we are invited over to the house of a famous French artist and neighbor for “aperatifs” (cocktails). “We” consists of my mother, her boyfriend, his granddaughter (O, 14) and my little brother (T, 17). O, T and I were introduced as “les enfants” (literally, the children) then dismissed before dinner so they could have a party “entre adultes.” I guess being 26 still qualifies as being a child if you’re not married?

Also, my supposed “ night out” in St Tropez with my NYC roommate was slightly compromised when she invited my little brother to come to her house to have a proper French meal with the entire family. He almost backed out when I stalled the little blue Peugot three times in a row earlier in the day, but signed back on once I was given permission to take the bigger, automatic car instead. Which meant, Frenching a Frenchman was not in my cards for the evening. (But honestly, I was happier to have a fun night with my brother than kiss a stranger and get my 1.5 dates. Yes, really.)

This dilemma leaves me with the following date options:
1. The poolboy. Or poolman, shall we say. I got a quick look at him today and am not sure if the shirtless look and closely-shaved haircut is hot or trashy.
2. Someone from the local marché (will have to “shop” for this along with fruits, legumes, poulet). Maybe on of the cheese vendors, as inspired by KT? Or a meat man?
3. The 20-year old, American Pratt student with questionable sexual orientation we had dinner with last night.

Hmm, I’m thinking that none of these options are viable, especially since I am leaving tomorrow. I’m just going to have to go on a dating frenzy when I’m back from France and Canada. (And try not to feel too pathetic as a result of tomorrow’s leaderboard.)

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