Tag Archives: creeper

>White Pie, White Lie, Creepy Guy

10 Sep

>Ok. So remember the night KG and I went speed dating (and then failed to really follow up about it on the blog)? Well, I also failed to follow up on what happened to me post-speed dating…

Once KG and I parted ways (after desperately searching for a place to get a mothereffin slice of pizza) I went to my local pizzeria in Brooklyn. I wasn’t boutsta to go home on an empty stomach and three vodka sodas (p.s. we were at the speed dating bar for 1 hour).

I ordered a slice. Enter attractive guy in a suit.

Him: Did you order yet?
Me: Yes.
Him: (Sigh). I’m tired.
Me: Long day?
Him: Yes. Very.
Me: I know what you mean. I just got back from speed dating. One guy told me he was from Pluto.

All of this led to a conversation outside of the pizza place where he told me I was really beautiful (ok, you got my attention). He asked for my name, number, and email (ok, pretty aggressive. Also, I had scarfed down my entire slice by this point). He then asked if I wanted to hang out THAT night (ok, very aggressive). I made up a lie and said I had plans with a friend (Netflix). He told me he would text me later that night (ok, creepy and desperate).

Subsequent texts received:
-an hour after I gave him my number: “hi :)”(Forrealz?? I told him to text me later in the week to meet up)

-the next day (Tues): “how are you?” (No response)

-the next day (Wed): “Hey…wanna go out for a drink?” (God he sucks so hard. I lied and told him I just got out of a long-term relationship and wasn’t ready for the whole dating thing. I thought this would send a clear message to back the eff off).
His response: “Then let’s not call it a date, let’s just have a glass of whine (his error, not mine) and enjoy the great weather :)” (I told him no. If the creep factor wasn’t a dealbreaker, the misspelling def was.)

-Friday: “How r you?” (No response)

-Tonight: “Hi KP” (No response)

Wtf? Totes creepy! I keep glancing out my window to make sure he isn’t watching me, ready to chop me up into itty bitty pieces.

Alas, I’m still searching for numba 4. I wonder if that guy from Pluto is still available.

>Didn’t make the cut

31 Aug

>
Here is a compilation of messages received on okcu. Let’s just say these didn’t exactly encourage a response. Please feel free to add to the list, Sixteen Daters!

(We feel kind of guilty about this, but it’s funny.)

To CFH:
You look like Jesus running across a snowy field. You know, If Jesus wore boots and was a girl and stuff…

To KP:
hi, young adult books. i went there too, but i listed some in my profile which ones have you read??? hope to hear form you -S
-and then-
2nd try. i sent you a message a while ago asking about young adult books you never got back to me which is fine, but who knows maybe you over looked it or something. so here i am saying hi again hope to hear from you

To KP:
Adventure. I know most people write things on their profile that they don’t actually mean (unlike me) but if you truly want an adventure then you should try a tickling session. It’s something you’ve never done before, a great workout, you’ll laugh your head off through the entire experience (including snorting which you say you do when you laugh) and it will be the adventure of your life.
-63% Enemy 27% Friend 17%-
the next day. Via instant message.
*tickling your feet right now*

To CFH and KP. On the same day. Verbatim.
-Personal intro (extrapolating details from each of our profiles), then…-
I got back on Thursday night from a 10-day vacation to eastern Europe — I managed to go out Friday night but I’m still a little jet-lagged — looking forward to watching HBO tonight. What did you do this weekend?
Best,
A

To CFH:
It would be awesome if we could chat tonight. I just really want to explore my bi and submissive urges with a girl. Let me know if you’re interested 🙂

To CFH:
Hey there how are you! You really caught my attn reading ypur profile and would really love to get to know you, chat wink email fax whatever works, maybe grab an ice cream cone or a cold drink and just enjoy your company.

To CFH:
hey I thought you were special .You seem like a fun and attractive girl. I just took a new job as an assistant golf pro. You seem like a girl that would enjoy a nice guy not one that’s out to play games. I just want to make you laugh.

>Doug Update

6 Aug

>I’m going out to dinner with Doug tonight. He suggested a place that’s a block away from me and I’m assuming it will be a free meal. I hope he doesn’t kiss me while I have food in my mouth.

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