six month say whaaaa?

1 Mar

Ok. What the truck…

So yes, I’m dancing around in boyfriend land. And as much as I love to boast about my dancing skillz, I have no idea what I’m doing. Enter: Six Month Annivarsary. So it’s tomorrow, well basically, today.

I mean for Valentines day, my roommate, CW, gave her boyfriend a fancy bottle of his favorite scotch.

I gave my boyfriend a bag of Vanilla Oreos.

He asked me “how much have you missed me?” I responded with, “well, logistically, it’s been a really busy week.”

My point is, now we are hitting six months, and I still have no idea what I’m supposed to do…

1. Do people give presents?

2. If so, what the heck do people give?

3. Do I get a card? Do I pay for dinner?

4. Is there anything else I’m supposed to know?

5. Do I dress up? Does he? Crap.

Help. Go. Thanks.

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Where in the world…

24 Feb

is KT??!?

Yes, you were the first to cross the finish line last time.

Yes, you have an important job that actually deals with issues that I can’t read about in Teen People.

Yes, you are too hot to trot.

BUT…

You are not allowed to use any of the above as excuses.

You need to get yo ass on some dates.

You better watch out, because I get to help implement the next challenge and I’m not going easy…

Things ain’t looking good ladies.

20 Feb

This is the singles map from Marie Claire. All I gotta say is I think I’m boutsta leave NYC and head to Cali.

Shit.

Blind dating: not as trashy as Roger Lodge would have you believe

19 Feb

First date of the V-day Challenge. Check. First blind date. Check. First sober date. Check.

My friend set me up with her friend’s younger brother who (for reasons unbeknownst to her) has been perpetually single for a while. It was a for real blind date. As in, I had not seen any pictures of this dude nor was I given any physical descriptors. My friend had met him once a few years ago, yet she could not conjure up a mental image of him, instead telling me, “I just remember him being funny.” Funny’s good, don’t get me wrong, but strictly deferring to homeboy’s personality isn’t so good, right?

Well me and Funny Man exchanged a few emails. And yes, he did seem funny, at least electronically. We ended up getting coffee in Park Slope and walked around the neighborhood. He was friendly. He was chatty. He was funny. Not awkward in the least bit. But no sparks flying. Pretty sure the feeling was mutual, given that I have not heard from him since. Also, the date lasted about an hour in its entirety, probs qualifying it as the shortest date ever on SixteenDates, or simply the shortest date ever.

Regardless, I feel this was the perfect date to kick off the first challenge. I’d like to think Roger Lodge and his blazers would keep this date out of the Hall of Shame. I mean, there was no snot flying around or awkwardly-timed public kisses, which keeps me (somewhat) hopeful for the upcoming men of future challenges. Howevs, my standards appear to be somewhat lowered. Now onto finding date numba 2…

Creeper/Keeper Rating = 6  (1-10 scale)

Aaaaaand we’re back.

16 Feb
I may or may not have just woken up in a pile of mozzarella sticks.

Roll over to find a sweet lil thang in my bed, sleeping peacefully on a pillow of ketchup-covered napkins.

Look around the room to make sure I made it home with the essentials: glasses, computer, and KP. Check.

Pick up my phone to survey last night’s damage. Not surprised to find a sent box full of regretsies. Will deal with that later.

Sit up to chug water and realize I can’t feel my ass. Panic before remembering yesterday’s painful workout class.

Pop 4 Advil and turn on 30 Rock. Laugh at everything that comes out of Liz Lemon’s mouth.

Go back to sleep. Dream of Alec Baldwin getting me preggers.

Wake up, 30 seconds of sadness upon realizing it was just a dream. Quickly recover.

Spend 20 minutes deciding the most appropriate 11am hangover delivery. Consult others via text, sushi beats burrito.

Put on pants. Realize I need to be at the office in an hour. Realize I overpromised when I committed to being in on a Saturday.

Look out the window at the gorgeous people headed to Fashion Week. Decide to take shower.

Wash my hair to Katy Perry on repeat. Remember taking over the DJ’s turn tables at the bar last night.

Remember more not-so-flattering details from last night.

Try to find good excuse for poor behavior.
Try to find a way to apologize to everyone.
Try to find motivation to do it all again.

Remember SixteenDates.

Ladies and gents, we’re back. Bigger and sluttier than ever.

 

 

What to expect when you’re expecting v2.0

16 Feb

Alright, ya’llz. This month KT and I will be going on one date a week for the next month. Since our blog relaunched two days after the trashiest holiday of the year (which, btw, KT and I spent together stuffing our faces with tacos and corn drenched in butta), we’re appropriately calling this the V-day Challenge. Both to commemorate this day of love (carnitas) as well as to help us bounce back from it.

Every month we will seek your input to determine the next challenge.

Some new things you can look forward to this time around on the blog:

  • Guest contributors (maybe even you??)
  • Polls and quizzes
  • Categories for posts (i.e. Why I am single, Eff dating, Traumarama)
  • Creeper/Keeper ratings for all the mens
  • Tweets via our Twitter page
  • Sharing/Liking posts via Facebook

Get readz for version two point ohhhhhhh, bitches!

The Blog. Two point OOOOOH snap.

16 Feb

We got a little obsessed with the blog. After two months, we had a slew of stories, significantly less healthy livers, and a few free meals. Aka a feeling of accomplishment.

And then like any good New Years resolution, we stopped paying attention and went back to our REAL lives.

We took a little bit of a hiatus from dating, blogging, and blogging about dating. From going to the gym, incessantly group texting each other and putting “pilates” on our calendar to make ourselves feel proactive.

Like any good Destiny’s Child comeback, the cast of characters has changed a bit, despite the fact that we are still looking for some mens who can pay the bills bills bills.

We are back for version 2, but have to acknowledge that a lot has happened while we were on a break…

KT dated a meat man, who turned out to be in a potentially dangerous killer. Homegirl don’t play that. She got a hickey (yes my friends, over the age of 12, and not on a date). And was most recently seen taking over the DJ’s booth on her birthday to play “H to the izzo.”

KP ditched the boy who’s real name was a verb. Dated a guy who told her he wanted to start following the Lord, which meant no sex til marriage. Riiiiiight. She is currently getting some hook-up action from Latin Lover (who isn’t on the Lord’s side) and has been on a few dates with an Okcupid guy who seems too good to be true. Maybe this one’s more successful since homegirl ain’t giving the goods out just yet.

KG went and got herself a man (say whaaaa??). Lucky date numba 2 went from blog to boyfriend. And since it’s her first time having one of those thangs, the stories of getting to BF/GF status and what to do with it has been a comedy of errors.

So along with new posts, we have to throw in some FLASHBACKS so that you can catch up on all the amazing awkwardness that has brought us to present day. We’ve had five months to recover from the first round and although waking up in a bed of mozzarella sticks is a delight, we need to get our game faces back on.

I mean, even Sisterhood of the Traveling pants got a sequel. *

* to our readers who actually have seen said sequel more than once, lets call them “Taylor,” we are not discrediting your movie choices, just saying that magically expanding denim can’t get more action than the ladies of the blog.

After these messages…

19 Sep

…we’ll be right back.

Thats right people. We are taking a few weeks off from the world of dating for sport. Why?

1. So we can do “real-work” for 2 weeks so our bosses don’t get suspicious.
2. Come up with challenge numba TWO
3. Brainstorm new ways to stalk men of NYC.

So if any of you have any ideas for 2 and 3 or how we can make 1 irrelevant, we are all ears.

Until then, we are going to be reminding ourselves that we dont need pride anyway so we can gear up for another round.

Update: Midwest Man

17 Sep

I’m so behind on posts, I’m just going to plow through them all at once!

And this is a bit of a delicate subject, given that Midwest Man may or may not read this blog. And I know that one of his best friends does (that’s right, C) and will occasionally cut and paste content in an email to him. (Please don’t do that!?)

But for the sake of the leaderboard, I’ve now gone on three dates with him (with a fourth this weekend). He’s GREAT. I’ll write more on these soon…

>Update: Man#1

17 Sep

>So remember Man#1 (let’s call him B), who is a cute hipster but took me to a horrible sushi place for lunch? He texted to ask me out to burgers…that was last weekend and I told him “Sure! I’ll get in touch with you next week!”

But I haven’t.

So can I just ignore him? That’s mean. The alternative is to write and say that I’m not interested, but that’s kind of mean as well. Or I could get burgers with him, but I would rather spend my time with people I really like.

Advice?

>Date Recap: CFH Man#3, Date#1

17 Sep

>On Monday night, I went on a date with a sweet guy we’ll call Z. Time was running out and my schedule was quite busy, so I penciled him in for a 45-minute drink before dinner with my roommate (which, by the way, I’m going to argue is my (Wo)Man#4).

For whatever reason, it seems like I’m always stuck picking meet-up spots. I guess it’s easy to tell I’m opinionated?

Of course, the cute Japanese sushi/sake place I pick doesn’t have any bar seats. And my back-up bar is also packed. So we end up at a diner nearby, drinking wine (I tried to go for a carafe instead of a glass each, and his expression clearly implied he thinks I’m a lush).

His follow-up question, “So what do you do on the weekends? Where do you like to go out?” confirmed this. It seemed he was surprised (and relieved) that my idea of a good time is NOT to go out clubbing on Friday and Saturday nights. Obviously, my favorite thing to do is eat and that’s how I spend my time. I’m going to assume that his calling my jacket “mini” was not a way to suggest that maybe I should cut back on my dinners out…

Z was incredibly nerdy in a really endearing way — he wears glasses, has just a tiny bit of pudge, studied math and philosophy at Standford, got a masters in philosophy in London, went to Yale Law School for a year before dropping out, worked at a start-up internet company…and now works for Google. He just moved to Brooklyn and is SO excited to have his own place. (I half ignored the comment about how he can’t wait for his mother to visit so he can buy lots of cool kitchen supplies.) He’s incredibly smart and opinionated. He also happens to work with my mother’s ex-boyfriend, who I guess is dubbed “Angry [B]” at work. (Sad.)

At the end of our date, he walked me to the subway (saying, you’re not going to take a cab, are you? which is exactly what I was planning to do…but then felt guilty about it). I apologized for the time crunch but he assured me that he didn’t mind at all. Which I took to mean that he was obviously bored the whole time.

BUT last night he texted to ask me out again…so I guess it wasn’t all that bad. Can you guess what he proposed as one date idea (along with dinner/drinks)? BOARD GAMES. That’s right. I actually kind of love it, but I’m not sure I like him as more than a friend. Would it be wrong to try and set him up with one of my single girlfriends?!

>Public Apology

17 Sep

>Dear J,

We, are assholes.

We totally missed your email. Probably because you are the first and only person to ever email us. (Thanks for taking the pressure off of our empty inbox).


Love your story. Also, we are glad to know that we’ve contributed to you being slightly less productive at work.

As we gear up for challeng numero DOS, I think we are gonna need some of your stories, insights and wisdom now more than ever.

We will chat with you soon to figure out eggsactly how you can drop some knowledge on us all.

xo
sixteen dates

(And yes, this is the blog’s second reference to You’ve Got Mail. This should make Meg Ryan and Mr. Monday #1 pleased)

>The taste of sweet, sweet victory

16 Sep

>
I’m happy to announce that I have (finally) crossed the mothereffin finish line. That’s right ladies and gents, I successfully found four different people to date me.

To sum up the 4th date, it was successful in that we ate heaping piles of meat served on wax paper on a large tray with jars of beer. Could it get any sexier than that? B was super funny, smart, and just generally fun to be around. Not sure if B and I will enter dating territory, but I feel it was the best way to end this challenge – on a good note, embracing my carnivorous side and drinking Bud Light in a 32 oz styrofoam cup.

>10 hours and couting…

16 Sep

>to get any last minute dates, repeats or DTD counts before our official Sixteen Dates challenge is O-V-A.

All im saying, is momma likes a good cocktail, or 4. Please note I like my martinis extra dir-tay (I am from the dirty south) with 3 olives. Thanks.

KP – good luck on sliding into home. In more ways than one.

>Don Draper Fail

16 Sep

>

Ok, we get it. You smile. You know people from the 90s. And you do, in fact, own a pair of jeans.
You aren’t Don Draper.
But really, did you have to resort to this outfit? And that hat?!
You look old. Like you should be in Mary Poppins. Or my high school graduation c.2002. With grandkids in tow.
Somebody get this man a stylist and a skinny tie so I can go on living my fantasy.
Thank you.

ON THE 'TOWN' photo | Ben Affleck, Jon Hamm

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